i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were trust falling into bushes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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