I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
