you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
