i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
