a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
