piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
