she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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