By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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