i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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