I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
