Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
