guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
