Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My vagina is officially offended.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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