There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
