So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
