I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
