One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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