Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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