It's just like the Real World with babies
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
