...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
