she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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