Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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