she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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