Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
