I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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