Will you blow on my dice?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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