apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize