Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
