i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
