Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
