Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
