Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
