He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
