I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my liver is dry heaving
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
