So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
