I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
