you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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