dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
