Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
