Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
