you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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