dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
