my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
