ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize