im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
