Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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