youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
