I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
