just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
