I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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