the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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