My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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