im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
