so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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