he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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