For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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