Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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