Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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