and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
