threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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