I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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