This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
