WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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