We're facebook friends in real life
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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