her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
